Today: doomsday for lap times. WFTDA testing started at our morning practice this week, and I seriously thought I was going to barf when we lined up to do our timed laps. But once I got into the rhythm, I didn't even think about the time, just about counting down laps until I was done. 4:32. Exactly where I wanted to be when I set my goal of getting in under 4:30.
Now, I can set goals for when I skate with the other 25 in 5'ers, or when I go to help my derby wife get her lap times down on Tuesday. No pressure, just me and my time, and getting better. That, I can deal with.
The first half of the WFTDA test went well today too. Although some of my skills felt a little spastic (grapevines? Really? When have I ever used that in a game?), for the most part, I felt like I was on target. Ready to start a new season. We have left pacing, hitting, pack interactions. Those are the sorts of things that many new girls get worried about, and I hope our fresh meat aren't freaking out. The newer skaters that we had at practice today did exceptionally on the stuff we tested.
All in all, it's impossible not to have a huge sense of pride in our team right now. Things haven't been moonlight and roses down here in Burn City, but after struggling to get the new business license off the ground and then struggling to make sure everyone held on through the hard part, the light at the end of the tunnel is finally becoming brighter. People are working hard. Our new skaters are amazing-really nice women who have infused a major breath of life into the team. I really haven't felt more assured that we will make it, and not just make it, but succeed than I do now.
Derby does a lot of strange things for you. I realize now just how different I was as a skater even just last season. I do not remember the person I was last season, the blocker who was scared to block for fear of making the wrong decision. I am excited about bout season, ready to get back into the game and see what I can make of a whole new set of opponents and damn near a whole new team.
Without this, I don't know if I'd have any consistent model of persistence and change in my life. Derby is one of those sports where if you want it bad enough and you work hard enough for it, it's yours. I know not everything in life is that easy - but then again, derby is not that easy. To say the phrase above oversimplifies a lot. Wanting it bad enough means coming home crying when you can't perform as well as you want. It means not understanding why your team lost or fell apart at halftime. It means believing that there is absolutely nothing you can do to improve yourself because you are unimproveable. But working hard for it means telling your brain to shut the hell up, because only whiners fall down and don't recover within three seconds. It means turning off your brain when your muscles are burning from strain and pushing harder. It means FINDING those extra few strides when you are about to finish a time trial, and FINDING that extra block at the end of the scrimmage to hold the other jammer.
Derby can cause you to lose a lot, believe me. I've lost a whole team. I've lost friends. I've seen other people lose relationships, even marriages, whether directly or indirectly related to roller derby. It can be a consuming monster. But somewhere, after we're consumed, that's where the magic happens. Somehow, we become obsessed with this sport and being better at it, and somehow, we're made more whole than we were before. More confident, more apt to believe that we are strong and decisive and fabulous women. If I can do what I do on a derby track, if every second of every drill can mold me into a better player AND a better person, then what happens if I apply those lessons to my life outside of derby?
And they say sports teach you nothing.
